Identity? In Progress
by bleachalones
Summary: Abari Akane is your average(?) soul and is elder sis of renji. But due to some reason she started to act like a boy! Abari Aoi? The time away from him will be fatal to their fragile relation and perhaps SS as well. Trying to cope up with suppressing the women inside... will she able to pull through? 2 chs. will be updated every month.Ratings may go up. R&R Kyoraku will come later.
1. End? part1

Thank you Arkane Whispers for your review! I tried my best to remove grammatical mistakes foim these two chapters. Also I'm no good with Japanese ;) just a little study of my own and wiki to help me out.

Hi! This is my first fanfic so no flames! Constructive criticism will be appreciated. I don't own any bleach characters accept Abari Akane and other OOC which I will be adding in time. To give you an idea Akane seems a lot like renji though with a little softening of facial features as that of a woman, has gold color eyes and pale yellow colored flecks. Is about 5'6 in height. Enjoy :)

Chapter 1: End...?part1

Everything sounds so dull, like listening through several layers of water, words mixing, creating a jumble of noises. No idea of time, but certainly... it should be late afternoon...?

Suddenly a loud thunder roars, challenging any one for its might. Shaking and trying to establish fear in anyone's heart. I shook violently, not for the first time and certainly not the last. I closed my eyes hoping, praying it to be unreal.

(This morning)

...RAI!...

...ARAI!

"ABARI AKANE! Get up this instant!" Wam! Suddenly a book slapped on the side of my desk waking me up in an instant. I got up with the speed that everything became blurry and my head started hurting. I have to clutch the table for support and not to embarrass myself more in front of the class. Giggling and snickers can be heard from all directions. Now I have embarrassed myself in front of the whole class! I blushed a little. "This is two days in a row that I caught you sleeping in the class! What is the problem? If this continues then you will be lagging behind! Do you have to say something for yourself?" My history sensei said fuming. "..." "Well say something!" "...this will not happen again sensei"I declared with full conviction though inside I wasn't feeling even a bit of it. "See that it won't, we are currently studying a very important historical note. I don't want you to miss it. Pay attention" she said softly with almost all of the anger gone, she isn't a sweet teacher without any reason after all. "...yes mam"

Ding dong ding. "That will be all for now class". Everyone stood up and said in chorous (AN: please correct me if I'm wrong). "Arigato gozaimasu"(formal way if saying thanks). Suddenly a hand slapped on my back. "Woo! Now sensei has eyes on you. Better not slack off again." My friend Ping remarked, hint of tease in her voice with a hint of amusement in eyes. "Wakatte iru"(I know) I said my voice somewhat dimmed. "Daijōbu desu ka?"(are you all right?) Said my friend, concern clear in her voice. "Anshin shi the man demo nai"(dont worry its nothing). Chichi(dad) and haha(mom) were away to meet some relatives in adjacent village. It takes 10 hours to reach and they will probably be staying for a week. Then they will be back in 8-9 days. I will pray to kami(god) that nothing bad happens to them. There welfare was eating me away slowly because bandit attack travelers frequently.

Boom! Another loud thunder shook me out of my trance. Giving only for a moment but quite cleared view of my surroundings. Though the storm hasn't been able to create darkness of midnight but the light was dulled enough to create the problem with one reading or writing. The bleak light igniting negative emotions in all the standby watchers.

People were standing around me but weren't able to sooth me. I wasn't mad at them but still would have been good to have a warm hand around you. Another loud thunder roared above and something reflected its light, a..chain...? Attach to my chest swaying with each rise and fall.

"So young...","...blame the fate...","...very cruel". Several whispers among others mingling the result being nothing intelligent. But my focus is on what was me...or..left...of me? a little while ago. Blood was gushing out of (my?) head and left leg, torn at two places on knee and ankle due to the fall from two stories above with my brother. He is currently alive and is at medics his treatment on way.

Another thunder, white bones in sight untainted by the blood which is being washed away by the heavy downpour to the nearest hole on pavement. Every time the light strikes, it tells nothing but the truth. After all death is hardly beautiful.

The silence which cannot be compared or imitated for sleeping.

Which was being told by the parents to their children who were unfortunate enough to be the witness for this gruesome scene. Their fragile minds unable to grasp the concept of death.

AN: Thank you for reading. Constructive criticism is always appreciated. Your revwies are always welcomed. It is what which keeps the author motivated to continue writing.


	2. End part2

art2

The rain slowed down to drizzle but it was still welcoming in this hot weather. The road I took was crowded, mostly inhabited by people returning back from their daily activities with the absence of dirt in air cleaned by the running to their homes to get least wet in the rain. Those who were wearing kappa retraced their way back home in unhurried pace.

Children were playing in the rain, unaffected by the wetness...unaffected...unknown... to the taste of death, just a few feet away. I know that the news hadn't reached them, also they don't know but, still...

...I can't help...but feel a little...

...hurtful.

Suddenly my sinuses started burning but I have to run away from those thoughts. Was it cowerdice? maybe, but I can't help it and I have to control myself because once I gave way to these emotions...stopping myself...

And there is no one to comfort me.

But it is easier said then done.

Haha(mom)...chichi(dad)...

STOP!

...I said STOP

...stop...

I stopped to catch my breadth and realized I was hyperventilating. "I HAVE TO STEEL MYSELF!" my voice shaking, shaking my resolve a little. But shouting it aloud indeed helped a little.

And my journey towards byyouin(hospital) continues with a desperate heart trying to find...

...warmth...(but it knows it won't get any)

(10 min later)

It was approx 15 min journey though I can't be sure of the time with all the jumbled up emotions all the pent up anger, loss, ... I stumbled a few times on the way but managed to not fall in the ground and make myself dirty. Though I'm a soul after all...well-I think i am so I won't get dirty.

Well I'm a soul, that is what people become after they have d...di...died...ri...right...um-I think I'm right(?)...if I can recall what my mother said correctly. Still trying to suppress the grief and loneliness(in vain) which was slowly but surely, poisoning me from inside, I found the byyouin(hospital).

It was approximately of the size of a cottage, its wood grown very old due to harsh weather and poor maintenance. It has a symbol of yin and yang hanged just below the dim lit latern, indicating the function of the place. Though it was the best of what our small village Mito can offer, and people were quite satisfied with the kangosotu(medic).

Sigh chichi(dad) and haha(mom) are not here. It saddens me as to what will be their reactions. A pair of brown and gold eyes of grief stricken and very important people in my life flashed in front of my eyes making me feel...

...numb.

Suddenly an ache started in the center of my body (heart?) Choking, making it difficult for my lungs to fill themselves with oxygen. Breathing in even paces was proving be rather futile...

...the grief they will suffer on returning... the pain...would they be able to return to their normal lives? I hope they...

...don't...

Now I'm being a total witch, the fire of pain burning, consuming. Have I been that dark inside?! But it will certainly feel...good-if someone...anyone will grief on my passing. I felt my sinuses burning and the ache in my heart increased up a notch...

...at least I can cry a little rigth? "There is no...one...to see..." My voice filled with the pain of intensity even I registered shock in the back of my head. A few tears made their way down to the ground...the only witnesses to these tears...but certainly weren't able to...calm...me...

The ache increasing, burning...a broken sob can be heard with only my ears to hear.

Smack! Suddenly someone slapped on my head making me kiss the ground. Annoyed and incredibly angry I started turning my head to kill the person who has done such a deed! Anger turned into shock as to someone able to make contact with me. It must be another soul just like me or perhaps a monk who always claimed to have made contact with the spirit. But good spirits pass on after dying so it must be a bad one. I heard the nearby woods being haunted by a spirit that villagers have claimed to see in the form of floating light.

Shock turning into fear I turned to see it. At least it wont kill me...right? I'm a spirit too but a good one, but it can hurt me...that little demonstration proved enough.

Even the rain had turned to drizzle but the thunder is as strong as it was when the storm appeared. Still roaring like a wild monster above. It was still able to shake me up, I can deny the fact but the ratalling of...chain...? told otherwise.

With tear tracks on my face and fear clear in my eyes I turned to see my attacker. Suddenly another thunder, shook me with fear running through my veins like a live wire. When I turned to see that spirit,vision wasnt clear as the sun disappeared ending the day a few minutes ago, the storm adding to the darkness I was able to see kage of someone with the help of lamp burning bright in front of the byyouin. It was not tall, nearly 4'5ish? A drawf? (Does height decreases of a spirit? If so, I must be a lucky case, since there was next to none effect in my height. I must be the lucky one since I was slight above average after all). Kami(god)! It must be a yūrei(child spirit, mainly harmless but troublemaker)!? There must be Ofuda( a white cloth with markings to prohibit a yūrei from entering a house or applied on forehead to banish the spirit) in the byyouin(hospital)? Right? considering all the deaths which occur here. But I'm a spirit after all...would I be able to touch one? Let alone use it to drive away other spirits.

AN: arigatou for reading! As always reviews will always be appreciate. No flaming please. :)


	3. Shoulder of unexpected

AN: Hi Arkane wispers! If there is still grammatical mistakes, feel free to point out :).

I realized that last two chapters were very far away from the standard of a fan fiction. So I tried my best to improve. Enjoy :)

Previously-

There must be Ofuda in the byyouin? Right? considering deaths which frequently occur. But after all I'm a spirit...Its hardly possible to touch one, Let alone use it to drive away spirit.

Chapter 3: Shoulder of unexpected

Maybe I can banish myself by touching one. Spirits go to heaven after being banished(?). But then survival instincts kicked in leading to search for various combinations of rituals I collected attentively by listening to the priest or villagers deep in conversation, in very rare cases when presence of a child nearby doesn't register in their conscience. But a sudden noise distracted me from my revrie.

"What are you doing!? Crying like a demasel in distress! Jeez! Your top floor is certainly empty!" Came the voice from kage(Silhouette) a little rough and very childish. The voice...it's fimilar...

(Half an hour ago)

"ANE! Let's climb up and play a game!" Shouted an annoying being in ear. Waking me abruptly from my peaceful daydream jumping at me. "WHAT?!" I shouted very irritated at the creature, clearly guilty for distracting me. "Let's play puetty pwese!". Not again(-_-,). He knows I cannot say no to those adorable brown orbs. The way they shine always reminds me of the first time I saw him. "But on just one condition". He nodes his head enthusiastically making me wonder how he manages never to get wobbly. "Only for an hour!"

The silence that followed (was that doing of cutting logs a couple of miles away?) with addition to the look on his face was priceless. (XD) Seriously trying not to laugh I missed the look which he was giving me showing that all the effort on my part was in vain. But he was clearly aware of the word lying and what place I hold for it. It's something that I never I mean NEVER did, not even for practical jokes.

"Yay! Let's go, let's go". Generally I don't play with him this ridiculously long but I am ready to take on anything to clean my head of sensei's scolding that was still buzzing in the back of my head, a clear sign of victory how much it effects me, though I won't accept it, with emphasis that the end was nowhere near.

A tired sigh escaped from my lips. Hoping little physical activity could help my case, I followed him." Tell me what are we going to play here?" Scrasm dripping from my voice, after all how can one play on sukiya? "Just come ooonn". We got there with how annoyed I was clear as day in my eyes.

"Now what". I said in a tone, clearing him to the fact about the hairline distance betweed the patient(?) Ane he knows(?) and the one he fears. "Akane-Neūsan" he said to dodge me. He was being ridiculously persistent. I was sure that there was no game that could be played here. "Let's compete who can spit farthest!". Now where did he learnt THAT game from? "Don't tell me you are hanging with that Osaka boy again". Osaka is a good family that owns yarn to meet with the need of clothes for the people in Mito, but instead of trying to make the best of his situation, he started wasting his time with local ruffains. They filled his ears about not needing to earn and getting the best of family fortune.

"You are guessing again" he said, folding his hands. A clear show of defiance but I can't do anything except informing chichi, he will do what he sees fit. It will be a little revenge (hehehe) for dragging me out for this ridiculous game though I'm more than willing to ignore the fact that it did what I hoped. A soundless sigh escaped from my mouth, hoping he doesn't become Osaka-boy part 2. "Let's do it, shall we?" I said with some disdain. Still upset about his past time acquitances "Ready when you are"

A few minutes later one can see an irritated renji nowhere willing to accept defeat and Akane with a victorious grin plastered on her face. "OK! One last shot and loser has to do all the cleaning chores!" I have to end this game due to black hues indicating a powerful storm in a distance, it will arrive in less than 4-5 minutes for sure. "HUH!?" "You will catch a fly with your mouth open, or shall I get you one?".

Still not clear, about what he heard he asked me, eyes checking for some-any kind of mental injury. Cannot blame him cause it was even rarer than the occasion when I agreed to play with him. The answer he got was in same language...DUH. Quite aware that he will be out of it for quite a while, decision was made. "OK, here I GO" my spit reached up to just a feet away from the root of sakura tree which was approx 21 foot away. I grinned a Cheshire grin because of the victory and a day freed of chores was waiting at the end of the deal. Renji wasn't able to spit anywhere near the tree. Certainly he realized it too and stood up. Now what was he trying to do. Still full of glee I failed to realize how dangerous it was. He tried to use his lungs with forward momentum to help the spit reach its goal. "Hey! That's cheating" I cried. That's when all went wrong...

Renji lost his balance and started tumbling down. My senses started to haywire, everything started to run in slow motion. Blood pressure increased dramatically robbing my sense of hearing.

(10 years ago)

A six year Akane walked to their home, following her chichi(dad) like a lovesick puppy. Enjoying the crisp smell of lemon he usually uses as fragrance. Autumn has arrived but was still hot enough.

"Ohiyō(good morning) kumara-san" Akane chriped happily. "Ohiyō(good morning) Akane-chan" the masaishiya(village doctor) replied pleasantly. Her Grey eyes shining at the cute little thing with a head of fireball. "Will she be fine" the head of Abari family asked. Hint of worry clear in his tone. "Don't worry, she is fine and resting currently, Congr atulations otokonoko has been born".

7 minutes later Akane went inside the house tracing the path leading straight to haha after chichi has exchanged greetings with masaishiya. Sliding the Shōji door(sliding door) aside, she looked what was before her or clearly in the arms of haha(mom). It was cuddling to her and drinking something from haha's(mom's) breast, its eyes closed."Haha(mom), what's this?" Akane asked, her voice burning with curiosity and innocence of a six year old. She laughed at her cute expression, seeing and memorizing a millionth time her gold eyes which never failed to remind her of her husband. It never fails to mesmerize her, one among several reasons why she was abari-san now. Getting regretfully out of those thoughts she said "He's your otō(polite way of saying little brother)" "that means I'm anego?"(polite way if saying little sister) She asked very excited of the prospect

"Yes my dear".

She noticed the way her eyes shined. She hasn't seen haha this happy before and promised to herself to take care of otō and always keep haha happy. She says to herself 'I promise...

(Just before the arrival of storm)

...to take care of otō, I will never let the shine dim, not even in slightest'. The next thing she saw was the fear in renji's eyes, fear of immenient death. Fear of unknown. Instinctively, she jumped to save him from falling. Desperation in her eyes...of promise...of haha's...

...happiness...

"ANEGO(very informal way of saying little sister)!" was the last thing to reach her ears before wrapping her arms around him, hoping in vain to assure him of being safe, praying to kami(god) that no matter what, he MUST survive.

Several gasps were heard from below. The first thing which touched the ground was her ankles, she could hear the tearing of muscles and snapping of ligament but she didn't felt anything, aderline too high in blood. The next sound of something else snapping was heard. But no jerk was there like when her ankle was severed. Frantically, she searched renji but failed to find anything. Next came her knee and then her head. All she can do is lay numb on the ground feeling the agony as her promise and otō(little brother) both lay in front of her...shutting her eyes in hope of ending her thoughts then and there...

...broken.

She saw kage(Silhouette) of someone helping her but the only thing she felt was cold and unimaginable burn in her leg. Everything...was..fading...

The storm started but her numbness deprived her of her senses. She felt something dropped in her leg...but something was...opening...mixing...floating. Suddenly she felt a little pull, the next thing she knows was the view of her heavily injured corpse with the addition of a chain attached to her soul's(?) chest. It was the moment when thunder roared signiling the arrival of storm. It was the very first thunder and probably the last giving her peace, cause in the flash of light she didnt see otō(little brother) nor his body. Pointing to the fact of someone surviving.

AN: Clearly you were able to get the idea about my OC being 16 years old when she died. Next chapter is more improved Arigatou do reading! I'm really develpoing my writing skills but still I'm a teenager and its a real sacrifice for me to cut down my fb from one hour daily to twice a week ;_; but anything for fanfic!


	4. Not alone

AN: I want to tell all readers that every thought is in ('.….') and every thing said is in ("..."). Arigatou for reading :)

Previously-

It was the moment when thunder roared signiling the arrival of storm. It was the very first thunder and probably the last giving her peace, cause in the flash of light she didnt see otō nor his body. Pointing to the fact of someone surviving.

Chapter 4: Not alone

"Helloowww, earth to Akane, are you in there?" I snapped out of my trance to see otō(little brother) standing there as if nothing happened. "Otō?"I asked hesitating, hoping that I'm damn wrong.

"No ghost you dumbass" "...since when were you able to see spirits?" a little voice stopping me, warning me not to hear or say anything and just...run... " since now" he answered, mildly annoyed. I tried squinting but it wasn't necessary because another thunder decided to roar telling to all inhabitants of Mito, the long life of this storm of which it was a part, I saw...something...

...shined...

"NO!"

"...NO...no...no...no.."

My heart roared, feeling of bile rising in throat robbing me of my speech.

The only thing continulosly turning in my head was countless wheels of spikes, denying to register the obvious. Its my fault he's dead, its my fault he's dead, repeating like a mantra. Only thing other than pain that registered was the desperate need to die-anything to escape pain. I was astonished being not dead considering the immense pain which was consuming me in its trap of guilt.

A heart wrenching sob could be heard if one was able to see the spirit of Akane who was once walking among them, living.

But those thought turned into something else, leading to utter disgust. The believe of reason what she was feeling horrified herself but not being able to deny it, she decided to relieve of the sudden burden on her chest by laughing hysterically. Nothing could have been able to anyway bring her out of the world of torture but one.

"Ane..."(very informal/intimate way of saying elder sister) Sounded an unsure renji, hesitating and clearly lost about his action even a few seconds ahead "...are you all right?". 'How can I tell him the reason I'm crying is not even close to what he thinks...not the fact of failing to protect him but...'. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry.." Was the only sensible thing he was able to get out of the mumble between her sobs. How much renji tries to act old but this was the situation which reminds him clearly how young he is, he was more than ready to accept what he isn't he's just a 10 year old. A 10 year old unable to comfort her sister.

Being clearly aware of the situation and finding no way out, painful decision of sitting and waiting for ane to come around was reluctantly made. As the drizzle stopped gradually, her situation improved. Tredding carefully, moving with more than usual noise, thumping the groung unnecessarily, for the sole reason which being, if ane was aware of her surrounding, her ears would pick up the footsteps approaching her.

Gently like handling a fragile bird, he rested his hand on her shoulder. Deciding that saying anything wrong would turn the situation for worse, he waited. Eventually, the hurt soul started lifting her head. As soon as her red-eyes met him, a small hope welled inside him and he decided to use it by giving her a small smile that everything will be all right.

"What should we do now? Ane?"(informal way of saying big sister) renji said, deciding it was best not to approach the subject, 'if she wants to share it she will come around eventually'. A couple of hours has passed on since his death. 'It will be best if I don't let ane(informal way of saying big sister) see my corpse'.

A falling sakura caught his attention 'why can't mindelessely fall anywhere like it when I die, would be so simple' "let's wait for chichi(dad) and and(mom)" came a small voice from his female companion 'guess not huh...' "Yea, let's do that"

The duo trailed back to their home, kakeandon(Japanese laterns used outside shope bearing the name of merchant) and occasional thunder their only visual support.

"&$+#&- " "can you say that again Akane?" "I...was s-say-saying..."another pause which gave renji a lot to think about.

When no expected physical or mental rebuke came, it worried him. 'Ane is holding a lot inside'. He never would have thought the day would come when there will be no rebukes from Akane for disrespecting her. That day, that occasion dreamed by that daydreamer has now come but instead of relishing in moment he is scared and was asking for forgiveness from kami(god) and praying to get through it.

'Now I'm REALLY scared, don't tell me the kami(god) we worship is actually a yūrei(child spirit) messing with me'.

Next words from ane (big sister) managed to make him both happy and confused. "...I'm h-happy". 'What should I say...good I'm happy to hear that!' mentally smacking himself he decided that keeping quiet would be right, given the situation.

"I'm not alone" astonished the male redhead turned to see ane(elder sister) the kakeandon from the nearest shop they were passing through, made the shadow hid most off her upper face in shadows.

"...I thought I was ALONE...but its good that you are here right otō(little brother)"

"...me too..."


	5. Returning?

AN: I've decided that this story is at least going to be 100k long. Hehe I've a knack for long stories. As for Kyoraku Shunsui, I think he will enter VERY late, also update are going to be slow since my exams are on the way till 25th Jan. Thank you dedicatedwriter21 for your review, I will try improving it ^_^

Enjoy :)

Previously-

"I'm not alone" astonished the male redhead turned to see ane(elder sister) the kakeandon from the nearest shop they were passing through, made the shadow hid most off her upper face in shadows.

"...I thought I was ALONE...but its good that you are here right otō(little brother)"

"...me too..."

Chapter 5: ...Returning...?

Eventually, the two newborn souls reached the place once called home by them. Akane noticed her corpse was put on display and ōtsukai(messenger boy/girl) was sent to inform chichi(dad) and haha(mom) which was learnt from the two villagers, one who was being filled on what happened in his absence.

"Abari-dono will be devastated, when he learns what happened here" "I Know, at least one should have lived, get prepare to witness the war among inlaws for all the property he earned".'Kami(god) please help chichi and haha through this and upcoming situations"

The redhead was feeling...empty. Her ibutsu(dead body) wasn't there, must have been taken for various rituals. But now she felt of not belonging here but some part of her is in desperate need for gaining what she lost and denying the impossibility of fact. If one look from afar, nothig would look out of place, ibutsu(dead body) being long removed and blood stains cleaned by previous shower 'is that what it means to die...you just...

...fade away...'

Everyone returned to what the called home after sharing their state of mind. Some sad about the death of Akane and renji, some were wry of death, some were worried about the reaction of Abari couple while some were there as courtesy. She went inside and sat where she used to once as living. Her eyes swept around her and eventually fell on the book, dropped carelessly on kotatsu, half-open.

(We are currently studying a very important historical note. I don't want you to miss it.) 'No need of it now huh'

A hand reached towards the book, its owner hoping everything to be restored to what it was a couple of hours ago. The hand passed through, state of book ueffected like it wasn't there. She got up and went to the porch to slid one of the many Shoji door aside and entered her parent's was fairly large with two scrolls of *brave* and *wisdom* in kanji hanging on the opposite wall. A low table and couple of simple but elegant cupboards were also there.

She wasn't able to touch anything. No matter what her personality shows, but she liked to keep her surroundings clean which was known to a very few persons. In fact she wasn't sure if that group of people included anyone other than chichi(dad), haha(mom), ōto(little brother), oba(grandmother) and Ping. Its not like that she wants to be a secrative person but if one truly wants to know her, he should look harder and beyond her loud persona.

But now all she wants to see is disorganization, so that she can leave any kind of imprint of being in this house after all the unwilling changes and through various process of acceptance she had to go was so deeply trying to mess up anything that the presence of her blood relative who is in same situation as Akane was sitting on the entrance yo the room, getting depressed with each passing moment and was trying hardest not to show it, which got him all tensed up unconsciously.

'Its better to leave her alone', with this renji stood up and went to clear his mind of which was not helped by remaining here and see his sister at the brink of breakdown. Before leaving her alone he turned his head knowing he would see her again in a couple of hours. Sure he was able to go through the day without seeing her, but now the circumstances has changed. His parents lost, his...identity... lost, if he's unable cut all his emotional ties thy the chances of salvation would be feeble. Now when the eyes of two siblings met again, they both noticed the desperation in each others eyes.

Renji extended his hand towards her, saying through his actions no matter what happens they would always be together. Akane got the message, its physical indication being her hands which were earlier frantic to create disturbance was now at her side calm. But renji could sense that it was the calmness of death, of stillness after disaster, of lost dreams and hopes...of...pained heart...

They went outside the house, not aware in slightest of their destination. Their only companion, their wet footsteps and jingling of chain attached to their chest. After walking some distance, she felt something brush against her hand 'must be bushes, are we heading towards the forest?' she thought. But none of it matters to the redhead siblings as they both headed towards the forest, none of them able to still grasp the concept of being dead.

'Neither I nor otō(little brother) are ready to see the anguish of riyotsushin(parents)' thought Akane, trying to see from a different approach thinking its best to be clinical. Instead of supporting renji emotionally she has already cried twice and have been successful in reversing the role. 'I will wait for him to express his emotions which he has buried deep within him to release it', 'I will wait and be around him when he will need me'. She turned her head and tried to see her brother but the night coupled with darkness offered by the forest made the task next to still looking in the general direction she thought 'I've already burdened him with my emotional outburst, it will be better if it doesn't happens for the third time'.

'For now let's get as far as possible renji', she thought, which continued to the first time she saw him and how he looked with innocent eyes, not scarred by this world's darkness. 'I won't be able to see chichi and haha's reaction and neither he will be, I'm not going to witness it...for my sake and for renji's'

'hozowokamu...

Chichi, haha...

AN:Hi everyone! Its Time to gain some information-

mobu is the modern use for parents but I'm assuming renji met rukia after 8 years since dying, that means it is proper to use outdated language of Japanese, so I decided to use riyotsushin instead of mobu and hozowokamu instead of sumanai.


	6. Dreams and realities

Previously-'For now let's get as far as possible renji', she thought, which continued to the first time she saw him and how he looked with innocent eyes, not scarred by this world's darkness. 'I won't be able to see chichi and haha's reaction and neither he will be, I'm not going to witness it...for my sake and for renji's'

'hozowokamu...

Chichi, haha...

Chapter6:Dreams and realities

'It has been a long time since we visited ōba' thought Abarai Kou sitting on cushion and watching the love of his life and ōba talking happily. 'Are you planning for another child?' said Abari Nanami, with a smile, though the oldest Abari was smiling, much close to smirking, but Abari Hana was sharp enough to see seriousness which was quite well hidden behind the serious facade which she was currently witnessing. The fact wasn't lost to her that with only one son they would not be able to show off much resistance if their in-laws decided to get comfy in their home once the abari couple gets old. It would be a miracle if they don't, given the past history of Abari family. Their house wasn't large, but after the war which replaced their ruler, tax went up pretty quickly in preparation for war, large sum of tax was being paid, especially by those (taken) who can afford daily bread.

The noise in this particular guest room was quite high due to the fact that most of the family, especially the children were all cramped here, but still kou's ears were good enough to get gist of the conversation. 'Hmm hiding my income would be too risky, its not a good idea to get in he bad side of our lord' thought kou, true the thought of having to feed yet another mouth was quite warming but the idea was out of his mind as soon as it was in. Giving proper education and food to both his children's was quite the challenge.

Getting a strong feeling that says anything would backfire before it came out of his mouth, he decided to better shut it. 'Let her handle it'. He wasn't being overcautious but Oba(grandmother) has many times nuged him to marry Akane. Sure she is 16 and quite ready to be married but he was unable to find a house with the guarantee that she would be able to study further. She was quite a burden 'but this is what parents are made for'. Faint as a shadow casted by moonlight there was twitch in upward direction of his lips which didn't registered in anyone's eyesight as all were mainly busy in competiting how much they are well off compared to others. He was remembering a memory drawn gently in front of his eyes. A memory approx 16 years old, excitement on both of their faces to see the young life red as a monkey taking comfort in Hana's arms and getting warm liquid from her bosom. This memory never, not once failed to give him a faint shudder and a warm sensation in the center of his being. Despite all the time that has passed, this particular memory always remained as sharp as ever.

But the curx of the matter was not lost o him. In order to be secure their life when they won't able to defend themselves, it is necessary to have at least two sons. Renji will also get into trouble if he's the only son in defense.

He stood up with a grace to hide his troubled thoughts and since hana was busy with all the family gathering, she didn't notice anything. Abari nanami saw her grandson standing. Quite well aware of where his mind was, the cause being her where she has put herself deliberately she attracted Hana's attention such that the currently leaving Abari figure escapes her radar.

She knows Akane and Kou's feelings, but also knew his clinical mind which made him the prosperous one in his generation of Abari family. Her old age and wizened body forced her to remain seated, in all the years that has passed, it which gave her priceless wisdom.

She knows once Hana gets even a whiff of the type of wheel turning in Kou's mind, she would try to affect the outcome in Akane's favor. 'Can't blame a mother, can I?' was the only thing in her mind. Being an adult and managing things is not about making fair decisions but also those which will give you nightmares. Every history of an adult has skeletons in the closet, no?

Despite the fact that Kou was trying to hide the turmoil which has slowly but surely has taken root inside his mind since Akane's birth, like unbreakable shackles, instead of putting down the sake dish, he carried it with him to the porch unconsciously. As he slid open the Shoji door, he was welcomed with the smell of wet mud, indicating to the obvious fact of raining soon here or any nearby place. 'This is a simple matter of priority, it would be idiotic to risk the life of all three of us to further Akane's studies. Aahh...she would definitely hate me after this'.

He realized something was in his Hands. An empty ske dish. "Buying a sake dish won't get you sake..."

'Life...very unexpected, some people takes the thrill of it, while some loathes it...'

AN: My exam dates are getting shifted due to the weather. ITS VERY CHILLY OUT HERE! I think my exams will continue till the end of January. That's the reason why I was able to update soon. Reviews will be appreciated.

Ja ne(see u later)!


	7. Shock

Chapter7: Shock

'She will get married this year he looked determinably down in his empty sake dish, wishing it was full to numb the sting of gulit making its way in his conscience, not being able to do his best for Akane was a great blow on his pride as a parent. The mere absence of Hana told him that oba planned out this thoroughly. A pained chuckle escaped his mouth oba is sometimes really a frightening strategist...and apathetic. It is good to make best out of the situation they say. He still remembers what oba told him when he was 11 year old...

"Oba-sama, oba-sama! I found a dog, he was lying injured on the street can we keep him" he said in a single breadth, knowing her absolute art of distracting him very effectively. His light green yukata with lavender prints here and there tied with crimson obi and patched up mostly with mud caused by the creature in his arms who was currently unable to grasp his situation. After his parents death in a bandit attack, Nanami was the one who brought him up.

"Remember this..." her voice quivering a little showing her declining health due to her age "...if all people can do everything in their capacities, then no one will be sad, als... we see sadness...why? You are quite of age so you should know, financial stability of our clan is decreasing with time. You will only burden our declining staff further. Choices are to be made, weather it is painful or not."

...painful...or...not...

Kou looked up towards the sky hopefully, to find a solution that can both please his heart and soul. The wind swept ruffling his bangs which were unbound but failed to give him any sort of comfort, it continued its path with no regrets of not being able to comfort the presence it just passed by. Taking a deep breadth and exhaling it slowly, he prepared himself of the future torment he will be receiving from all the three of them. The Abari family is known for many things but not for its quietness, he would probably die of shock if someone ever complimented them for their quietness.

But his thoughts were abruptly disturbed by a sudden pair of feet running towards him, its pace clearly telling to be demanded attention quickly. "My lord! I have very urgent news..."

Akane can be seen walking in the woods, her only companion a shadow, smaller than her own but somewhat firmer.

(Time skip of a month)

Several days has passed none of the siblings interested in keeping track of it. There never cared( dared) to return back, accepting this as their new world. Aporently its not bad the only ugly thing about it is they were forced by the fate to accept it. Apparently they were as in living as in death. There were no visible change in behavioral patterns. Except new ones who were a little cranky and lost. They were once one of them but apprently the town in which they came their despair and sadness tagging along with them like how younglings follow mother duckling, they met an aged man. Apprently he died a couple of years ago. He was a monk so didn't have anyone to hold himself in his native village. Not having any family and not much emotional connection with fellow monks, he decided to travel, not being hungry was one of the main points to get him out of village.

He was in his forties when living and died due to typhoid, medical growth was not something his village was famous at. His name was Sakamkto Haru. His hair was dark brown, almost black, eyes gold with green fleks. His gentle voice, commanding at the same time gets attention of all the people who are near enough to hear it.

Though Akane and renji never felt it since they died but can clearly feel it now, the feeling of hunger. They asked Haru about it but didn't succeeded in collecting any information, though he started to look at them with disgust which was quite well hidden actually but not totally. Renji was rather oblivious to it, the two redheads went together to scavange for food.

They talked about various things and Akane was somewhat surprised that he wasn't upset for worshipping something which he is now aware of doesn't exist or he was too much competent in hiding what kind of wheel was turning in his mind. Despite he appear calm dosen't mean he was dumb, in fact he was the most knowledgeable monk she has ever met and he was starting to grow up on her in just a week. He was quite well in picking up the topics of discussion which don't pain them in talking about like how it was funny when he died and the very first thing he saw was a couple of ghosts playing cards in Hondō (main hall of shrine) which was especially protected with spells to stop any spiritual beings from entering. "It was quite hilarious I tell you, hahaha" his eyes roll backwards and he dropped to he groung grabbing his stomach and rolling on floor unable to decrease the pitch of his laugh.

Stealing was something both were opposed to so they went to the shrine where people offer servings to their deceased ones and managed to gulp down what they could get their hands on, which were not touched because either the soul for which the food was for initially didn't have a appetite or was not present for some reason or other. Though the siblings knew that he food was made cleanely but the sole reason that it was kept as an offering to dead and they were clearly aware of their status as dead but found the food a little hard to sollow despite it was of the same quality which they were used to eat as living.

A couple of hours passed and for a little change of pace both decided to spend their night away from the civilisation of living humans, but not preferring to leave that town yet because not much death has occurred and they found quite many souls who has accepted their fate and were directly or indirectly helping them with it, they decided to spend their night in uninhabited dwelling.

Though somewhat later a sudden sound intrupted her sleep and what she saw caused her heart to roar suddenly, her senses focusing on what was in front of her. Renji was held up in the air through the back of his neck, thrashing wasn't working and his limbs were to small to injure the attacker in real life. Scratching on his arms was no helping either if this continues, renji will choke to death though she wasn't sure if spirits can die but she is not going to find out at the cost of her younger brother's life.

The one holding renji's neck was Haru...

Wait what?!

Bye her eyes weren't deceiving her, he was really standing before her harming her brother, disgust and hatred clear in his eyes. The sun wasn't up but there was light enough to see him and his expression frightened freezing both her mind and body. Unable to think, the only thing came from her mouth "Why?".

He scoffed and sneered at he "Acting so innocence as if you don't know..." "Know what" an incredulous expression passed in his eyes for a fleeting second again being reolaced by hatred and disgust. "Souls don't get hungry dammit! You are on of those masked creatures who killed nearly each and every soul in my village! You freak just die bitch. Just looking at you makes me wanna puke! Now quit your act of innocence and just DIE!"

She jumped to save renji but something heavy landed on her forcing her into unconsciousness.


	8. Hell doesn't exist

Chapter 8: Hell doesn't exist

When her eyes opened, it was evening the whole field was dyed in orange and red. Half of her face, covered in mud was facing the ground. Apparently a tree fell on her. Then suddenly everything came back to her like a crashing wave of previous mishap. She frantically searched for a boy with red hair but failed to do so. The tree was still pushing her to the groung and if she was to roll to get off, she will loose one of her arms. She would have done so but then she will be drowning in pain and won't be able to search for renji.

The field and grass and trees all have orange on them but it wasn't dark enough to hide the patch of blood which lies there in very large area, its shape and size clearly telling a tale of very fatal blow, begging for all creatures to see it, changing the color of mud into something repulsive. The amount was large enough to kill someone "RENJI!". A shout escaped her lips, panic rising and with it a shame of failing yet again. She was struggling to get the trunk off her. Pain and desperation was blinding her, her throat was getting worse with every second passing accompanied by her shout, senses were going numb getting worse with each rise and fall of her chest. In her desperation, she failed to notice someone getting closer to her. "Maa... I missed that one" hearing and now feeling another presence near, she raised her head but only succeeded in seeing a feet wearing wodden sandals, her movement restricted by the weight on her back.

Fear rose inside her, unrestricted. Already being tired due to the load on her back who knows for how long, her body was heading towards state of unconsciousness despite her silent protest. It has not been even 24 hours since the attack and she was willing to admit she was more than wry of the stranger standing close to her. But struggling wasn't going to help her, calming her heartbeat to a certain extent, she started counting her options, most of them requiring his help, much to her dismay, for removing the load which will only be possible if he has some compassion left in him.

But if he helped her then she will not likely attack him if he didn't first. She remembered that men were most sensitive if the hit was between the legs, aka cock though if father heard her saying that she would be dead 'but I'm dead already (-_-') '. She knew she has a few seconds more to think but the sight of blood in front of her was making her restless in addition to the setting sun. It will be near to impossible to search for renji in night, in fact she only has a couple of hours before she will be forced to cease her search due to lack of light.

In fact she was half sure renji was dead and if not the pool of blood in front of her was a proof enough of a fatal injury and if she found, she was aware of the fact she woudnt be able to provide renji with appropriate medical attention since in their duration of travell, neitheifof then had seen or heard about ghost hospital.

She never wished the day to come but now she has to steel herself and have to put renji out of his misery if she found him alive. Hoplessnesl, wanashing over her like a snake, coiling around her but she cant do anything and dont have enugh energy to divert her thoughts or ...anything...to just...

But her thoughts were in a frenzy that even in her non exhausted state, if she would have tried, she wasnt sure if the results would have been in her favour.

Suddenly her thoughts were interrupted by a shadow forming of the red rays emerging from the setting sun, grass turning in its normal color in shadow. Though he was not aware (or was?) but he somewhat helped in the calming process by obscuring her view of the blood scattered, which was a little making her feel like hell(?). Though she wasn't sure if one existed but if people like haru a moving freely then it doesn't exist afterall.

The voice of grass crushing beneath his legs could be heard. He kneeled a little but not enough so that she could see his face and suddenly, the load was off her. Sensing the relief, even though she regained consciousness just few minutes ago, fell into oblivion again.

An: Sorry for the short chapter but upload is an upload, no? Please review I will appreciate that. But one thing, most people don't read after 3rd chapter... Does the story suck? And I quit the use of Japanese for now, let me first get a good grasp of English. :)

Also one thing, I write story in parts, like 2-3 paras Evey day though it takes at least a couple of hours... But do the story feels broken to u in some parts? Please tell me, I will try to rectify that. ( ^.^')


	9. Monster?

Previously -

The voice of grass crushing beneath his legs could be heard. He kneeled a little but not enough so that she could see his face and suddenly, the load was off her. Sensing the relief, even though she regained consciousness just few minutes ago, fell into oblivion again.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Chapter 9: Monster?

Autumn was approaching so was the wind blowing was chilly despite the sun shining overhead. People were going their own way, appearance of a soul being a common phenomenon in this section of rukongai. Nothing unique enough to get their attention. But same cannot be said for the younger population inhabiting that place.

They were people of all ages - some were old, too old that their upper body was closer to earth than it should be the cause being their knees and waist who were loosing their strength with the years passing by, some were too young to grasp even their own situation and believed they were in some sort of vacation and would be soon back home, truth being too dark for them so the people aroung them decided to keep them ignorant. Birds were travelling to hotter parts of rukongai, their chirruping, last of this year.

They were gathered around another addition to their population, some were looking down or talking to one another while some were looking ahead, excited for meeting new people...

...her mind was blank, body was light...was she asleep? She can't tell but one thing she was sure about that she should be up and doing something. Her body was like lout of her command...numb...but she was content being like this now, which gave her the ability to think. She has an inkling feeling of missing something important but doesn't care for now and preferred to rest.

She never new when her decision of relaxing converted into a long time sleep, for her it lasted just for a couple of hours but in actual it was a day long. She woke up to the orangish red tainting her room indicating either it was morning or evening. But she decided to make her bet on morning on the fact that she slept just for a couple of hours. Then she took in her position and noticed she was lying on her belly with something on her back 'probably medicine for a quick recovery, considering if I made it alive'.

She sat up, one hand on forehead to keep her head from spilling out while the other, on bed providing much needed support. After few minutes accompanied by a couple of deep breaths, she swept her bangs, apparently her caretaker has taken good care of it and now they are clean and well combed though not in a tie which was obscuring her vision. Not learning from before, she jumped off her bed and her leg gave way, apparently 2 days of continuous sleep doesn't improve your sense of balance, neither help strengthening your muscles " Thump" "OW! What the hell".

Too cautious and somewhat wry of her surroundings, she finally noticed a small figure, a girl barely 4 standing close to the door wearing a simple yukata of green color. She was curious and hesitant if Akane can judge by body language. Finally curiosity won out and the little one took a hesitant step towards her since the first time Akane's eyes laid in her direction. Her friends always said her smile was creepy so she didn't want to show her smile. The last thing she wanted was that child to run away from.

Eventually the sun's rays fell in her and she noticed that her eyes and hair were darkest shade of red rather than black which she earlier thought of. She knew if she didn't smile soon the child would run away from her since the child looked like a bubbly one. To her surprise that kid never stopped or faltered in her steps and came straight to her 'must be insensitive to her surroundings'.

She has to admit, that kid IS very cute, no matter how she sees it. With those large eyes and chubby cheek, she is like a cute little bunny. With those curisoty filled eyes sparkling a pretty shade of orange- brown due to the sun rays, then her voice came out, like a high-pitched sporano " who are ew?"

She smiled " I'm Abari Akane, what's yours?" "I'm Haninozouka Yachiru... nice to meet you" and she was offered a very cute smile.

The two- one teen and one just out of toddler age were staring at each other, neither aware what to say. But Akane asked about other inhabitants and later found herself being dragged around by yachiru who was eager to show her new friend to her mother, probably also wanting a pat on the head and good girl praise for being around Akane till she woke up. The excitement caused the bouncing of steps which amused Akane and removed her mind from the betrayal she felt from Haru's attack on her. The other thing she was worried and very much frightened is the possibility of her being a monster, she doesn't want to hurt anyone, especially the little ball of energy in front of her. A wry smile made its way to her face, she was still hungry but didn't feel even one bit of the need to eat yachiru to stop her hunger.

But didn't knowing what will be the extent of her escalated hunger...

...run...

AN: I really REALLY tried to make chapters longer but can't it seems. I think it is out of my current capabilities for now.

Important: While reading fanfic or any other novel, I just skip the narrative of the type of clothing or description of surroundings. I only keep in mind eye and hair color and height. So I'm NOT going to write it because truth to be told, I don't know most of the time what a particular furniture to a type of cloth is said. Readers, please let your imagination run wild and think of it yourself and spare me... (-_-')

Ja ne!


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